Donut Whole: Sauce for the Gander

Proposed language for bill that goes the Israel Anti-Boycott Act (S.720) one better:
The Anti Israel-Zionist Boycott Act
Satire by Brian R. Wright

A lot of talk in the media and on Capitol Hill these days in support of the so-called “Don’t Mess with Israel” bill, which would abrogate the United States Constitution in no uncertain terms and apply draconian penalties for standing on one’s First Principle rights when it comes to disrespecting our ally-supremo, the model-benevolent state of Israel. To my way of thinking, this Senate bill S.720, formally ‘Israel Anti-Boycott Act,’ doesn’t go far enough. In fact, using the same template as S.720, l have formulated a more thorough gutting of the Bill of Rights via an S.720 countermeasure, and suggested it to my august federal legislators…

The modifiable Libre Office document lies here. And below lies the html version for your consideration and, I hope, wide circulation:

The Anti Israel Zionism Boycott Act

[Congressional Bills <TBD> Congress]
[From the U.S. Government Publishing Office]
[<#TBD_Anti_Israel-Zionist_Boycott_Act> Introduced in either house]

<TBD> CONGRESS
<#TBD_Anti_Israel-Zionist_Boycott_Act>

To prohibit any support or expression of support for the state of Israel or the political philosophy/movement of Zionism by any individual or group within the United States and by any public official of the United States.

A BILL

To prohibit any support or expression of support for the state of Israel or the political philosophy of Zionism by any individual or group within the United States and by any public official of the United States… and to provide severe civil and criminal penalties for violators. Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled…

SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.

This Act may be cited as the Anti_Israel-Zionist_Boycott_Act.

SEC. 2. FINDINGS.

Congress finds that Israel and the political movement that established Israel as a state, Zionism, are guilty of substantial and repeated crimes against humanity.

SEC. 3. STATEMENT OF POLICY.

Congress seeks to end support, material or verbal, for the State of Israel and for the political movement of Zionism, which philosophy/movement is hereby banned.

SEC. 4. ADDITIONAL PROHIBITIONS.

Upon passage of this Act no American person or official shall speak favorably of Israel or Zionism even on the Bill Maher Show.

SEC. 5. EFFECTS ON OTHER POLICIES OF GOVERNMENT.

All federal-legislator funding by the American Israel Public Affairs Committee is hereby suspended. Standing ovations for the visiting Israeli prime minister during his (US) State of the Union Address will be followed by a ‘Mother of All Hellfire Missiles’ drone strike on the Capitol.

SEC 6. PENALTIES.

Violators shall be subject to a minimum civil penalty of $500,000 and a run-of-the-mill criminal penalty of DEATH… preceded by rendition, suspension of habeas corpus, secret imprisonment, waterboarding, torture that is NOT waterboarding, and/or a $20 million fine. [Note: At the discretion of federal prosecutors, torture may include compulsory watching of mainstream television news 24/7.]

SEC 7. DEFINITIONS.

In cases where a trial is acceptable to federal prosecutors, Israel and Zionism and other pertinent terms will be defined at trial time—solely BY federal prosecutors, in optional consultation with blacklisted Wikipedia editors.

[Coffee Coaster Column link]

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